My Lover's Gone
by Only
Summary: Summer has a big problem and she only has one option. Set between the first and the second season.


I do not own the O.C or the song My Lover's Gone which is Dido's.

This is set between the first and the second season. Summer has a big problem and she only has one option.

Author's note: This was actually wroted hmm...at april (?), but the translating _took_ some time. And I was pretty unsure about this. I cried and wroted this, the first version was like ten times as long. Also, thanks to Niina ( RyRissaLover ), who has helped me a lot. Thank you for being a friend, travelling the road and back again...You know the song.

**R&R**

_**My Lover's Gone **_by**_ Only_**

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Summer Roberts was scared. God, she was scared. But she also knew that this would be better for everyone. No one would miss her, no one.

She sat by her bed and looked outside the window. The sun was shining, as always, the birds were singing and everything looked so...beautiful. For a moment, she actually believed that she would be allright.

The hope was soon gone. The last time Summer had seen Marissa, her best friend had told her to go to hell.They had fought so badly that she believed they would never be able to forgave each other. They had just blasted to each others face everything they had kept inside of them for so long.

Her father had just left to other side of the country for months, leaving nothing but a note in the kitchen table. _Well, that was the way mens in her life seemed to leave. Leavig nothing but a fucking note._

Summer squised Seth's letter in her fist.

_Summer_

_I know that I can't explain this, I can't say anything to defense myself. But you must understand that I had to do this. I had to leave._

_I'm not so sure where I'm heading, but, believe me, I'll be thinking you every second._

_I hope that some day we'll be able to be together again. I haven't forgotten my dream. I wanna marry you. And some day I will._

_I love you._

_Seth_

Summer felt tears running down her face while she was reading those so familiar words. She didn't wipe them away, she let them run. She felt the sobs shaking her entire body while she lied in her bed and cried. This would be best for her, for Seth, and for their unborn child who wouldn't live a day.

The child...Summer would've so badly wanted to saw hers or his birth, first words, first day at school, be a mother. But she couldn't. Not alone, not without Seth.

Summer stood up, took her cell from the bedside table and threw it through the mirror in the corner.

"Why did you have to leave? What was so fucking important that you had to leave!", she screamed and sink to the floor, in the middle of the shattered glass. She felt so _powerless._

She had took the test yesterday and, ever since that, wondered what would be the best solution.

Abortion? No, she couldn't kill something that was from their love. Adoption? She couldn't just leave her own child to some random family.Keeping the child? She was sixteen. She would be a singlemom. She knew that she couldn't do that. Not alone, not without him.

She had wondered all night and had finally decided what would be best for her, best for everyone. She had searched the key to her fathers safe. She had opened it and took the gun out. It was black, a pistol, that was all she knew about it. But she knew that it would help her.

She wiped her tears and found a pen and a peace of paper.

_Marissa_

_I'm sorry about the fight, and I wanna thank you for being a friend, travelling the road and back again...you know the song. _

_Summer_

This was still easy but...What about Seth? She bit the pen and started to write.

_Seth_

_I don't know where you are, or will you never even read this letter. I just wanna thank you for last year. It was something amazing. I thought it was something like that to you too._

_Apparently not, 'cause you had to leave to God knows where. You had to leave me alone._

_And I can't be alone anymore._

_I love you._

_Summer_

She cried while she wrote that letter.It took forever to find the right words.She wanted to tell him about the baby, but she couldn't. It would be her secret. No one would find about it. Ever.

Finally she wiped all those tears away and put the letters to envelopes. Then, without even knowing _why,_ she walk to the dresser and searched the dress she had been using in Julie and Caleb's wedding. It still fitted perfectly, even if it was a little tighter at her belly than last time.

She combed her hair, washed away all spreadded mascara and brushed her teeth. Summer haven't had a slightest idea why she was doing all this, she didn't know why she was flossing her teeth. It kept her mind away from what she was about to do.

Finally she watched herself from the mirror and was satisfied. She took a lipstick from the dressing table, opened it and thought what she would say to her father. She had allways been a daddy's girl, at least before Seth. She wathced the gun in the table and bit her lip. She was scared, she didn't know what would happen after this. On the other hand, she didn't found any other solution.

She watched the mirror, opened the lipstick and wrote.

_I'm sorry dad._

She sat on her bed and shake from the fear and sadness. She took the gun on the other hand and placed the other to her belly. "_I'm so sorry",_ she whispered to her child who was made from their love.

She pointed the gun to her head and closed her eyes tightly. She thought about her life, about how her mother had abandoned her, about what would she be like without Seth never being in her life and then left her. About what would their child have looked like. What kind of life would've been waiting for it. About how much she loved Seth.

"Forgive me", she whispered and pulled the trigger.

_My lover's gone_

_his boots no longer by my door_

_he left at dawn_

_And as I slept I felt him go_

_Returns no more_

_I will not watch the ocean_

_My lover's gone _

_No earthly ships will ever bring him home again_

_bring him home again_

_My lover's gone_

_I know that kiss will be my last_

_no more his song_

_the tune upon his lips has passed_

_I sing alone _

_while I watch the ocean_

_My lover's gone _

_No earthly ships will ever bring him home again_

_bring him home again._

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Thank You for reading. Please review. puppy eyes


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